Inclusive Behavior Management Tip 3:
Invest in Relationship Building
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Start by Building a Relationship
Correcting a student’s behavior is almost impossible if they think you hate them. And students often default to thinking that you hate them or that you are a b$%@@. Once they are in that headspace, any correction you give them is going to go into the nope bucket– and you will often get the opposite of what you wanted.
Students need to know that you like them. All behavior management starts with that simple premise. They need to know that you see them as something more than a pain in the butt or a faceless entity.
That’s why the videos of teachers doing special greetings at the classroom doors keep going viral– it shows teachers showing each of their students that they know them and like them enough to do something special for them. But you don’t have to do that or any other gimmicks. You just need to do the basics– say hi, give positive feedback, get to know the student, acknowledge them. That gives you a foundation that can reduce behaviors in your class and allow you to correct ones that happen a bit more easily (although, let’s be real, sometimes things will still explode).
Relationship Building Strategies
1. Make deposits in the bank
Student relationships are like bank accounts. If you want to do a withdrawal, you had better have made some deposits first. So before you give a kid a consequence or redirection, you need to have built up some capital. That might mean high fiving the student on their way in, sending a positive email home, complimenting them, smiling at the student, eating lunch with them– or something else. Each one of these actions, however, is a way to build up your relationship deposits so that you have some cash to withdraw when you need it!
2. Remember the magic ratio
For every one negative comment you make to a student, you need to make five positive ones. This 5:1 ratio is magic and has a lot of research behind it. That means that if you know you need to correct a student you had better start thinking of positive things to say!
This comes out of marriage research. Couples who maintain the ratio are more likely to stay together. Researchers have then extended the work to classrooms. PBIS has some nice resources on this too.
3. Get creative
When a student is struggling, it can be hard to think of positive things to say and ways to build that relationship! OSSE in DC came up with a crazy helpful, eight page document of relationship building strategies that you can use. Strategies range from greeting a student at the door to relationship mapping. But get creative! How can you bond with a student? What besides their behavior can you find to talk to them about?
