Thriving as a Special Educator Tip #6: Healthy Coping Strategies

• About the strategy: As a I shared in the opening piece of this blog, I used (over time. Bankruptcies suck.) Borders, Barnes & Nobles, and Kindle Unlimited to regroup after hard days. I would go in, grab a pretzel and a tea, and just fall into a book and let me day fall away. After an hour, I felt like my head was clear and I could think about things besides work.
• Downsides: Besides the cash, calorie, and time toll not many…
• Best for: Getting a break between home and work and finding a calm spot in your head not filled with school drama

• About the strategy: I always had an electric kettle in my room and a stash of caffeine free teas. When stuff started to go sideways, I would turn on the kettle, brew a cup of tea, and sip. I was so famous for this that a friend came back once from a district behavior training and was like, “Umm… I think you were the example today.” Turns out they had been discussing coping strategies for when things went sideways and the instructor, who I kind of knew, described a teacher who made tea to self-soothe when things went wrong. Unless there was another obsessive tea maker out there, we were pretty sure it was me in the story. 
• Downsides: Many, many trips to the bathroom
• Best for: Small, self-soothing breaks during the day–moments where you just kind of want to scream but that would not be professional and so you breathe instead.

• About the strategy: I tried a lot of versions of this. One was after school. I would hide behind a bookcase in my room and time five minutes of a meditation to try to get my head clear for paperwork and to find the energy to finish off the day. That was a pretty big fail because someone ALWAYS came in or a I fell asleep. One of the two. I quit that one after a month. Then I integrated mindfulness into groups with some breathing at the beginning. Rather than just using it for the students, I used it also when I needed it– when I was stressed or unfocused. That worked a lot better because it seemed to help my kids and was less likely to end up with me passed out.
• Downsides: If you are hiding behind your bookcase, your colleagues have questions. Speaking from experience here. As for mindfulness in groups, not many– but it’s hard to figure out how to introduce the breathing so they don’t all go Darth Vadar on you. Ruins the moment. 
• Best for: Small moments when you need to catch your breath and find your poise

• About the strategy: I firmly blame this one on my best friend and colleague and our nefarious and enabling boss who supplied us with boxes and boxes of almonds. Whenever the principal wanted any or she knew things had been rough, she would give us boxes. My colleague and I would ration them for when we needed a boost and have something sweet to get us through when things were sour. Also, we were “healthy” types so we claimed that the chocolate was balanced by the almonds and the “dark.” Self-deceit is real.
• Downsides: Calories. Calories. And cavities. 
• Best for: Small moments when you need a boost. When I am driving, I use gum for this– just something that wakes me up and energizes me besides caffeine. 

• About the strategy: I am a champion whiner. Like a second to none one. Sometimes I just need to whine, vent, and hear, “Poor baby, that sounds rough.” At these moments, I don’t want to hear solutions or advice– I just want you to acknowledge that I had a crappy day and that it sucks. 
• Downsides: Folks running away from you.  Also unwanted advice. 
• Best for: This is one that is best for me in moderation because of its noticeable downsides. So I try to save it for especially vexing days. 

• About the strategy: I didn’t start doing yoga until I had been working in schools for probably five or six years. My stress level was pretty high all the time and my coping strategies mostly fell on the calorie, alcohol, and whining side of the spectrum. Then I really got into yoga. I found that the classes gave me a break from my head and that I walked out soothed, not stressed. As I started to go more and more, I found that I just wasn’t getting as stressed at work and that I had all of these new skills from breathing to imagining how good savasana was going to feel to draw on. I have done tons of other exercise in the past, but it was yoga that made the difference in helping me learn to balance. Nice yoga. I tried Bikram and I hate bad smelling things and being yelled at so it was awful.
• Downsides: Being more toned, better lung capacity, less stress, fun clothing. Wait those aren’t downsides?
• Best for: Sanity saving. But for me it was cumulative. The first few classes didn’t do much– it took a couple of months and finding the right studio before it clicked and started to help.

• About the strategy: So I worked at a group home in Boston. We were broke and worked a TON of extra shifts and then we spent our free time drinking together at bars. Everything was about work and folks were pretty stressed out and apparently, I found out later, doing lots of not so great drugs when not at work to forget. Then I moved to San Diego and worked at another group home. The job was probably worse. They actually somehow managed to pay less and the shifts were pretty awful time slots. But like my coworkers all had lives. One was crazy into rock climbing and was out there whenever we weren’t working. Another was into knitting and had made some crazy stuff. Another was really religious (okay, I get this wasn’t a hobby– but it took up all of her not work time). Two others were on a roller derby team and used to karaoke after practices multiple times a week. What made this all stick in my head was how much happier my colleagues were in San Diego. Like they weren’t burnt out, they talked about stuff besides work, and they weren’t the same bundles of intense negativity that I had gotten used to. Working with them made me realize that I needed some hobbies, something to focus on besides work too. That turned into way too many hobbies, because I am an overachiever, but it made such a difference!
• Downsides: Weird, expensive passions. No free time.
• Best for: Finding a you outside of work and preventing long term burnout.

• About the strategy: I have a lot more later on the importance of supportive colleagues but for me my colleagues were my main coping strategy. If I needed a break, they would cover for me. If I needed to be cheered up, they would do silly stuff to make me laugh. They watched out for me and helped me stay sane even when things got tough. 
• Downsides: We often became friends, which was amazing– but when our friendships were about work, it meant that the work also came home with me. We would go out for drinks and talk about work– and that sometimes I needed more of a separation between home and school.
• Best for: Not feeling alone at work. Having someone to step up and step in when you need help. 

Clearly there is more than can go  on this list from Netflix binging to free drinks from strangers (tell a sad sped story, get a free drink– worked for me for years). But this is just a sampling of the many strategies that I used over the years. Some worked for me. Some did not but I found that it helped me to think consciously about my coping strategies and what made me feel better in the moment when stuff was rough and what recharged my batteries for the next day. What are the big and small things that work for you? What’s your version of making tea? Your yoga? Who’s your supportive colleague?